By Randy Moore
Perhaps your love life hasn’t exactly worked out the way you planned. Maybe you went through a rough marriage, had a number of challenging relationships with precisely the wrong partners, or situations in your love life make you think there isn’t a match for you.
With Valentine’s Day coming up, it makes things feel even worse. Not only do you have your own feelings to contend with, but then you peruse Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter, and all you see are endless photos and posts of, “He got me roses! I love you, Baby!” or “She got tickets! Yes!” All this does is cause you to reflect on a simple fact: You’re not in a relationship right now and love sucks.
I understand. Really, I get it. But, please consider this: A relationship does not define you. It can complement you, but it doesn’t define you.
Maybe today it feels like all relationships are crap. I hear you. Being around others who are in the midst of enjoying someone else conjures that. So, if you feel that way—do it. Feel the anger and bitterness that stems from a past relationship gone wrong.
But while you’re doing it, please recognize a few of things:
1.- Valentine’s Day is just a day on the calendar. While it’s rooted in history and legend, it’s still just a day.
2.- Give yourself a time limit for your feelings. It’s okay to feel pissed off, but don’t harbor those feelings for long periods of time. A closed heart not only breeds anger and resentment, it can never receive love.
3.- Recognize that not all relationships are the same. Although it may feel like all men/women are the same, they aren’t. There are great men and women out there. Just because you don’t have a date today doesn’t mean that you will be loveless forever. Try to keep things in perspective.
Above all, please know this: broken hearts heal, but they don’t heal through anger; they heal through recognition. They don’t heal through regret; they heal through reflection. They don’t heal through feelings of failure; they heal through acceptance. And, moving on is not about blame; it’s about surrender.
Don’t spend your time regretting your past relationships, even if they were bad or challenging. Everything you’ve experienced is a prologue to this moment, and here you are … still standing. Every situation in our lives makes us bitter or better, and you can choose which at any time.
Whatever has happened, you can’t change it, you can’t undo it, and you can’t forget it. Instead, embrace it and move on. Bottom line: You win some, you learn some.
Great love is out there, but it might not appear until you let go of your past. Anything else is allowing your past to control you, and there is no use in looking back unless you plan on going that way.
Valentine’s Day or not, it will be a beautiful day if you so choose.